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The Tales of Ulysses: Chapter 12 - Going Home and Getting Lucky
Artist/Band: Classicus Anonymous
OK, in the Odyssey there are two big problems Ulysses has to solve before he gets a nice big welcome home kiss from Mrs. Ulysses. The first is time. And the second is space. You see, it took him 10 years to cover about 500 miles of water.
Now given the state of nautical engineering and navigation in this Classical era, if Ulysses had been a month or so late in getting home, there would have been no problem. Six months, while it might have raised a few eyebrows, was well within the realm of possibility. Ten years was not. And the excuse that Homer concocts for Ulysses, (that an angry God prevented him from getting home) would strike most waiting wives as a remarkably lame excuse. And Penelope (Mrs. Ulysses), having administered a kingdom on her own for 20 years when Ulysses returns home, was no one's fool to begin with.
So to review, Ulysses takes 10 years to cross one of the most benign bodies of water on the planet and spent 8 years of them lounging about on various Greek isles with women who can't seem to resist his manly charms. Oh, did we neglect to mention the various sea ladies, nymphs, and witches that Homer catalogues? Add all of them up and you get eight years. (Look it up and do the math, it's true). Homer even has the audacity to mention that even as being fondled as the object of all this adoration, Ulysses never ceases to publicly pine for his lovely wife Penelope.
Yet the historical fact remains that upon his arrival home Ulysses allayed all of Penelope's anger and suspicions and soon turned her into a frenzied suitor-killing machine on his behalf. Clearly Homer left out quite a bit in his version of the Odyssey and into this literary "gap" leaps Dan McLaughlin and his version of the Odyssey subtitled "Going Home and Getting Lucky". This work postulates that Ulysses learned much about the female psyche on his voyage home and successfully applied those lessons upon Penelope. And as with all Great Literature, the lessons that Ulysses learned then can still be applied to men in a similar situation today.
And as interesting side note, this work also explains why Ulysses' crew continued to follow him even when it should have been apparent from the get-go it was not in their best interest to do so. Especially observant listeners will also detect subtle references to the 1996 presidential campaign.
Classicus Anonymous consists of Mark Sellin as Ulysses; Chris Gauntt as Monotestes; Kirsten Ragsdale as Ovaria; Dan McLaughlin as a hole host of voices (mostly male and human); and Laura Brueckner as another host of voices (mostly female and non-human). Painstakingly and lovingly engineered by Mark Weber.